Couple Therapy for One
Sometimes your relationship needs help but your partner refuses to join you in couple therapy. Maybe they have already been to couple therapy with you and it wasn’t a good experience. Or your partner may have one of the following reasons:
“We can handle this ourselves”
“Things aren’t that bad”
“You’ve got the problem”
“I don’t like to talk about my feelings”
While it is almost always better to have both partners working on the relationship simultaneously, just because your spouse doesn’t want to go to couple therapy doesn’t mean they don’t want a better relationship.
“Couple therapy for one” is a reasonable alternative when your partner won’t join you in my office but they are willing to try to work on it at home. What I offer isn’t the same as your typical individual therapy, where the focus is on how you are feeling and how you are living your life. In that kind of therapy, you are the focus. In “couple therapy for one” the primary focus is on the relationship and what you can do to influence change. As in typical couple therapy, there is exploration about what you bring to the table and increasing satisfaction in the marriage is the goal.
How can a marriage change if only you come in to work on it? As was discussed in the section on couple therapy, much of what creates problems in couples is the presence of a recurring pattern (a downward spiral) that they get locked into. If you change your part in the “dance” then your partner will have the opportunity to explore other ways of responding to you, which may lead to the relationship getting unstuck. Also, if you begin to act in ways that allow for better conversations and more affection, you are modeling for your partner another way of interacting with them.
Individual therapy that is focused on the relationship will teach you new skills and help you develop a new attitude towards your partner. Here is what you will learn in “couple therapy for one”:
How to “tune into” your partner and understand them better
How to get your needs listened to without alienating your partner
The power of acceptance as a way of creating change
New ways to be loving to your spouse
Working on “your side of the street” in therapy can still be an effective way to get more closeness in your marriage.